I went to the Awakening the Dreamer, Changing the Dream Symposium on Friday. A three hour conversation about changing the dream or the collective will of the planet.

I will give you the cliff notes version of the symposium and then go back to talking about myself

1. Environmental sustainability, social justice and spiritual fulfillment are completely dependent on each other. You can’t have any one of them without all three.

2. We are completely screwed in all three departments at this point. We have killed large areas of the planet, we have starving children and lots of emptiness and misery.

3. This is a result of our collective will. Its like this because we designed it this way. We created our relationship to the planet, to each other, to ourselves and to God.

4. We can change this very quickly if we start now, together. We need lots of people to want to change.

Back to me. I am feeling depressed because even though it was a very solution oriented conversation it brought to the surface a pain that I am always trying to avoid.

I feel heartbroken and helpless. I am devastated, scared and ashamed about the condition of my home and my family. I feel as though I can’t give the polar bears their ice home back or extract the tons of fertilizer killing ocean life. I can’t stop children from being forced to rape and kill or even solve the hunger problem in my own city. I feel incapable of dealing with these problems not just on a practical level but I feel emotionally knocked down and unable to process the empathetic suffering. It drains me.

That is the real problem. I know that I don’t have to do it all by myself and there are so many wonderful organizations already set up to make a big difference. I could lend a hand. I could spread the word and be involved in making changes but I am stopped because I am avoiding the issues because it is emotionally exhausting…

Hold up! Something sounds familiar… Like maybe this is what I do for a living. Watch for my Epiphany

Partially because it is painful and partially because I know I have dysfunctional way of dealing with the pain.  I see this in myself and I see it around me. I am either ignoring what is happening or preaching from a soapbox and racked with guilt every time I turn the ignition on my car.

So I am now healing the heartbreak so that I can be engaged and intentional about my choices!

If you want to learn a great technique for dealing with any emotional overwhelm follow this link.

http://lillianevemoore.com/EFT

Lovingly

At the root of every clients problems and everyone of my problems seems to be a seed of unworthiness. While fear may be the opposite of love it is the unworthiness that has us hold on to the fear. Love has a way of shining into us and just disappearing fear. As I say this I realize it sounds like that Law of Attraction bullshit that I despise. ( I despise it because I know that most of us can’t flip a switch and sustainably maintain good feelings, just cause it will make us rich)

What I mean by love disappears fear…

Fear is a biological thing. It is just an emotion, made up of chemicals and electrical impulses, designed to help us run from danger and stop ourselves from trying to fly. It is triggered by our senses and our thoughts. We actually create it in order to survive.

Love is the energy of life force. It moves through us just like the water cycle. You don’t have to generate love in order to have it. You don’t have to force an affirmation or a smile because you are made of Love. Its the most natural part of you and it stretches endlessly before and endlessly after your mortal body dies. It is the raw material of your soul, and God.

So ya, Love disappears fear. When you are present and aware of Love fear is nothing. It is so insignificant. Just a biological function like a fart. But because of shame we are not present. Love is an inherent part of our being and shame keeps us from looking at who we are. We believe that we are not worthy of who we are because we are not worthy of Love.

But shame is such a cop out! Because while we don’t have to create Love we do have the power too, and this I am not worthy of Love business gets us out of the responsibility we have to take part in the Love making… ehm. Or generating. We are created in Gods image. We are creators and we are always 100% responsible for what we create. Shame is a convenient way of ducking out.

Whether it is because of the original sin, the demise of family values, or the rape of the earth we all face shame. You and I have a responsibility to heal it and claim our Love. That is our life purpose. Heal the shame, lose the fear and Live Love Now.

Give it up. You are worthy of love, greatness, fortune and attention just as you are! The sun doesn’t wait for the darkness to disappear before it rises. Don’t wait for your baggage, weaknesses, limiting beliefs are gone before you show up and shine all your brilliant and loving qualities…because that day may never come.

You will have fears, you will have forget you inherent divinity, you will react, you will carry wounds. Even with all that, you are still so lovable, you are still a gift … and when you shine and focus on your brightness moving through all the illusion of shame and fear is so much easier.

Three ways to Rise and Shine through you inner gunk.

1. Breath in Love. Breath is a real life manifestation of our interconnectedness. Couple this with realizing love is coming at you and you can receive it is a quick and easy way to by pass perfectionism to loving oneness.

2. Move your tush. What does rising mean to you today? Putting on some lip gloss or going from a run? Hiring help? Start that project? Ask for the raise? What has been waiting on your perfection?

3. Relish in Your Weakness. What?!!! Actively choose to live with and accommodate a weakness. Example: I ignore my spelling! I don’t have an for detail and I just bypass those mistakes and create lots and lots of blogs, emails, ebooks – if its critical I just get someone else to edit.

When you give yourself permission to have that weakness the weakness points to a strengths. I am brilliant at putting an idea complex and intangible,  into words, who gives a shit if the words aren’t spelled right.

What strength does you weakness point to?

Lovingly

I love that it’s called corpse pose – I think that when most of us think about death we think loss, but when we are trying to let go of something it is such a struggle. I see Corpse Pose as the gift of death, the gift of being free of your ego, a momentary return to oneness.

This winter I have worked with many of you to break patterns in your life that aren’t serving you any more. I know that you have been  doing the work to change your life but just like in yoga it is important to remember what your ultimate goal really is. Everything we strive for, every desire, every longing is actually a longing for God. You think that you do this emotional healing and change your behaviors to get a better relationship or to create financial stability but actually you do it for oneness, the rest is a side affect. Just like stronger abs are a side affect of yoga. The underlying desire is, always has been, and always will be to return to source.

With this new understanding in mind. Create the time for stillness in your life. Go into Corpse Pose. Allow yourself to be present. With nothing wrong. Nothing to do or fix. Nothing figure out. This is where you can feel that you are, always have been and always will be connected to the Divine. The immense and unwavering love that resides in that connection will heal more than any personal development tool, healer, or practice.

Lovingly

Start the Break the Pattern Course!

Integrity is the wholeness of something. Instead of looking at integrity as morality look at it as stability and completeness. Integrity goes beyond being honesty and encompasses authenticity. Integrity goes beyond doing what needed to get done and encompasses doing what you are capable of for the result intended. Integrity goes beyond doing what you said you’d do and encompasses being who you say you are.

When you stop short of integrity you compromise stability and wholeness. When you do less than you are capable of, withhold part of yourself or shy away from your immense power you shake the foundation of your life. It doesn’t matter if its that you didn’t exercise this morning or you have been talking smack at work it will affect how your life functions.

The energy that moves you and moves your life is one energy it is a constant and continuous flow. What flows in from chit chating over coffee with a friend flows through your money making and your house. The energy in your house flows through your sex life and your relationship with your mom.

So when you are looking at anything not working in your life look at your integrity. Where are you out of integrity? Where have you stopped short?

Back to Jenga…The areas of life that we all tend to drop the fastest – healthy eating, exercise, self care are at the bottom of the tower. These are the aspects of your life that have the most impact on the other parts of your life. If you are having financial problems look at how you have been eating. When you restore the integrity in your diet you will things will shift automatically in your finances.

Integrity Exercise:

1. List the different areas of your life. Example: household, career, finances, relationship, sex, spiritual practice…

2. Divide them into 2 catagories: In integrity or out of integrity.

3. For each area of your life that is out of integrity commit to one action that will restore integrity. Give special attention to the self care.

4. Schedule those actions.

5. Enjoy a life that functions on a higher level.

Lovingly

No seriously! I have been walking my talk and really working on my own patterns. Particularly one that has affected my life ever since I was 18 and making my first big financial decisions. My patterns was choosing what I wanted over my financial stability (because I didn’t think I could have both).

In the next few weeks I am sharing all the tools that helped me break that pattern but first there are 3 principles that are universal truths you have to face if you really want to break a pattern.

Here they are:

Register Here

Why?.. and more importantly, how can we stop the madness?

Naturally, I googled it. “eating healthy for the holidays”. I read 7 different articles on how to solve this problem. And while I think this one had some particularly helpful tips http://dottie1.hubpages.com/hub/A-Guide-to-Healthy-Eating-During-the-Holidays, they all pretty much said the same thing.

1. Eat less fat and sugar.

2. Eat more fruits and veggies

3. Exercise more.

Was any of that a revelation for you? Of course not. The problem is absolutely not that you don’t know what to do. You know how to eat but you don’t. According to Weight Watchers the average American gains around 7-10 lbs between thanksgiving and new years! And that is not because of ignorance.

So why is it?

A look at willpower.

Relying on willpower sucks, and therefore it usually doesn’t work. Practicing willpower is like giving one half of yourself the job of controlling the other half. The problem of course is that you are really just one person, and one person trying to move in two opposite direction just stays in the same spot. Its an exhausting and hopeless battle.

Mark Tyrrell from Uncommon Help has a great article on building your willpower muscle: http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/no-willpower/.

He looks at willpower as a limited resource and the only way to effectively use it is to pick your battles. So when you think of the endless line of sweets and treats that come your way during the holidays its easy to see how you actually run out of willpower.

Stop being a Pushmepullyou (Dr. Doolittle reference if you grew up on Mars)

Instead of giving part of you the unhappy job of disciplinarian, while you your other half acts like a bratty sugar crazed child – let’s get all of you on the same page. Why would you eat food that makes you sick and unhappy in the long run?

1. It solves an emotional need.

2. It solves a social need.

3. You just aren’t paying attention.

#1 and 2 are completely valid needs and there is no getting rid of them. Food does provide temporary solution for these basic needs by providing a few moments of emotional satisfaction and a feeling of connection between you and all the other eaters.  Instead of trying to hold yourself back from meeting these needs with food, you have to meet these needs in other ways. There are things you can do to address your emotional and social needs just as quick and delightfully as food does!

#3, not paying attention, is just a crazy human problem.  For some reason we pretty much all have a really hard time being present. I have some really easy to use techniques for bringing you back to the moment – and to the reality that no, you don’t want another piece of pumpkin pie.

Problem 1: Emotional Eating

Eating is suppose to be emotional.

When eating is pleasurable it releases endorphins that relax you and and make it easier to digest…  but the awesome feelings that you get from eating cake can actually inhibit your bodies ability to naturally produce that high! This article on 3fatchicks.com equates this to a kind of dependency or addiction to these foods.

The solution is to care for your emotional well being in other ways.

Solution 1: Go on a stress diet.

Instead of creating strategies for limiting your fat and sugar intake create strategies for de-stressing your life. Look at that holiday to do list and party schedule… what can you choose to leave undone? Probably, nothing on that list is life or death but stress could be.  According to American Institute of Stress  there is tons of evidence for stress being a major contributor to illness like cancer and heart disease, not to mention weight gain.

- Make a not-gonna-do-it list. How can you simplify? How can you weed your “obligations” down to the bare minimum? Just keep the joyful tasks! Fuck buying a fruit cake for every person you know. Think quality over quantity. Do less with more heart, love , gratitude and generosity.

- Stay far away from the crazy shopping scenes! Plan ahead, and prioritize your sanity over deals.

- That goes for high tension family vibes, too. Use the rest of the year to work on your family issues and prioritize peace for the family dinners! Your digestive system will thank you!

- Pick the events that you really WANT to go to. Your time, health and happiness is more valuable than any approval or whatever for attending lame parties out of obligation.

Solution 2: Increase your pleasure intake.

Man, I love pleasure… Pleasure creates the opposite physiological response to stress. Chris Kresser L. Ac says pleasure is good for you primarily because of its affect on your immune system. You can read all about that here:  http://chriskresser.com/pleasure-is-good-for-you.

Pleasure stimulates the parasympathetic nervous response – decrease in blood pressure, slows heart rate and most importantly …. IMPROVES DIGESTION. That means you actually process your food properly!

Pleasure is an actual need. You will try and satisfy that need with food if you don’t keep your pleasure tank full.

Here are just a few ideas to fill up on pleasure!

- Make the not so joyful tasks a delight. Find an errand buddy, make a soundtrack or sing your own soundtrack. Joy is an inside job not about the surroundings!

- Stillness, hot baths, read a book. Take care of yourself and decompress. Here is a sweet meditation to fill your heart:

(lots more on healthy, loving and pleasurable eating habits from Jena @ pleasurableweightloss.com )

- Cozy family time. Who do you want to see? Make time for them. Instead of party hopping just hang out all day with your besties.

- Make more LOVE. Sex makes lots of endorphins!

Problem 2: Social Eating

Eating is suppose to be a social event. We are the only animal that prepares its food so from start to finish. It’s part of the culture of being human, especially this time of year. Sharing good food is important!

The problem is that our social situations often support crappy food choices. To navigate these situations lets look at the main problems that come up when you don’t want to eat what everyone else is eating.

Embarrassment

Whether you are actually on a diet or just don’t want to have a food hangover, it can trigger some shame to say you are watching what you eat. We all want to appear super confident, and easy going.

Solution: Come from Self Love

If you are confident, that will show up. Being diet conscious can come from a place of insecurity and shame or it can come from a place of valuing your body and showing yourself respect. Where are you coming from?

Not feeling the love? Check this out: http://howdoiloveme.com/the-book

and the queen of self love: http://daretobeme.com

Social Anxiety

We all know that alcohol is a social lubricant but the buffet table can also provide a safe haven when you are feeling awkward. It makes you look busy and gives you something to talk about.  But do you really need to be reliving middle school dance emotions at a diner party?

Solution: Compassion and Connection

Give yourself compassion and then get over it. Everything good in your life comes from connection so get out there and connect. There are tons of books out there to help you rock your social skills Here are a few:

All good books, but really the bottom line is to remember they are fellow humans each with their own fears, and hopes and experiences. Get curious about what life is like for them and let that move you away from the hor d’oeuvres.

Being Polite

My uncle prepares for Thanksgiving over the course of a week and creates a masterpiece that could compete with the best kitchen’s on the planet. I will tell you right now, nothing that is served would make the cut for dinner at home. Don’t get me wrong it is amazingly delicious but not organic or humanely raised, there’s processed sugar, there’s dairy, there’s wheat flour, and again its delicious.

It can be really difficult to take care of your own needs when the main event is someone’s masterpiece meal.

Solution: Graciousness

Eat it. Say thank you! Dote on every smell and color. Imagine the wonderful energy all that sugar is going to give you.  A couple of meals a year isn’t gonna make or break your health. And stop when your full (more on that with problem 3!)

or

Don’t eat it and say that you have a lot of allergies or food sensitivities (does it make you feel sick?). That you just came for the amazing company.

Remember no one can force you to do anything. It is your choice so choose with intention. I am going to eat this food and let it be nourishing and drink a glass of green juice when I get home or I am not going to eat this food but I will make sure that the hostess feels honored and appreciated.

Side Note: Thanksgiving and Christmas I choose to eat it.  I remember the joyful experience of sharing delicious food all year and the minor yuck feeling only lasts a few hours.

Problem 3: Unconscious eating.

This is not just the holidays, this is every moment of your life. Are you present? Would you notice if your guts split open with too much stuffing or if the sugar rush gave you a heart attack? Eating for pleasure isn’t bad, its GOOD. But do you stop eating when it stops being pleasurable?

Alcohol is a really great way to stay far away from the present moment. Not only is it poisonous to your body but it removes your self protection superpowers, letting in unhealthy people, parasitic energies, and dangerous situations – plus its so unattractive! Terri Cole has some helpful things to notice with your own alcohol consumption. http://terricole.com/2011/11/21/holiday-drinking-merry-or-messy/

Solution:

Practice presence. FYI, I stole simple exercise from Josh Pais’ Committed Impulses class. If you want the real deal its all here: http://committedimpulse.com

1. Breathe!

2. Feel the Sensation in your body.

3. See what is in front of you.

4. When you catch yourself drifting out of the present moment declare “I’m back!”

…and lay off the booze!

Pleasure eating

Super Important note about healthy eating – It isn’t about living off of rice cakes, its about eating foods that feel good on every level. Foods that make you feel good emotionally, physically and yes, spiritually too!

Photo Creds: Fortyseven, enric archivell, mellyjean, mokolabs, denipet, sbisson, Christine Arylo, My Cousin Zach, Stephen Edgar -Netweb

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Lovingly

Its a beautiful cafe, with lovely lighting, loose tea. But when I walked in there was this barking music. It sounded like an old dog cartoon singing a Cajun march over and over. It was like being bitten with dull, rough teeth over and over.

Do you ever find yourself in the car feeling a little crabby and then you realize that the radio has been playing commercials for the last few minutes. An itchy sweater, a harsh light, shoes that are just a bit too tight…

I know I am sensitive. My work is 99% about feeling, feeling emphatically what my client is feeling. Sensing is my greatest tool so being sensitive is something I honor and respect.

Pleasure calls you into the present moment. You want to be here and now when it feels good. When you are present, you can know yourself. When you are present you can direct the course of your life. When you are present you…

Toughen up. Grin and bear it. We aren’t suppose to be picky or high maintenance. Sacrificing what we really want and what feels good is going to make it easier for other people. I don’t know about you but my life purpose is not to make anyone’s life easy. My life is not easy. It is beautiful, joyful, vibrant, honest but definitely not easy.

What are you sacrificing for convenience? You may think that its just taking your time to get ready in the morning or the nice sweater that cost $15 more than the itchy one you bought. What you are really sacrificing is your sensitivity. Sensitivity – intuition – empathy – self awareness – pleasure – vitality – genius

The natural world is not beautiful on accident. It is beautiful by design because pleasure makes things work better.

Lovingly

The very short happiness check list:

#1 I am growing and evolving.

#2 My life is aligned with who I am now.

The problem:

At some point your growth you have to put down a flag and build things. I chose a husband. I chose a city. I created a brand, business, programs and products. I had babies. I made friendships. I took classes. All of was a snap shot of who I was in the moment I chose it.

But we change, I change, you change. Then what? Do you can your commitments because they no longer reflect who you are?

Some people have the opposite problem. They never make the choices in the first place. It can be difficult to feel at home in any decision when your personal evolution is happening so rapidly. Here are the solutions I came up with:

1. At some point you just gotta choose. Being in a state of indecision is draining. Choosing something, even making the “wrong” choice is going to further your evolution and bring you closer to happiness requirement #2.

2. Keep the end in mind. If you are making a commitment that is going to be lifelong – husband, children, personal brand. Don’t base your decision on who you are today. Think who do I want to be in 20, 30, 50 years? Would that person choose this path?

This is not the same as thinking do I want this for the rest of your life!

3. Build in innovation. Make innovation an integral part of your career path, marriage, business, friendships and home life. This requires reflection time, time where you can practice stillness and connect to your present state. It also requires excellent communication and environments that value innovation. Creating a culture of innovation in all of your relationships at work, with clients and personal life is imperative.

Choose and then innovate!

If you like this post don’t forget to like it and tweet it!

Lovingly