I love that it’s called corpse pose – I think that when most of us think about death we think loss, but when we are trying to let go of something it is such a struggle. I see Corpse Pose as the gift of death, the gift of being free of your ego, a momentary return to oneness.

This winter I have worked with many of you to break patterns in your life that aren’t serving you any more. I know that you have been  doing the work to change your life but just like in yoga it is important to remember what your ultimate goal really is. Everything we strive for, every desire, every longing is actually a longing for God. You think that you do this emotional healing and change your behaviors to get a better relationship or to create financial stability but actually you do it for oneness, the rest is a side affect. Just like stronger abs are a side affect of yoga. The underlying desire is, always has been, and always will be to return to source.

With this new understanding in mind. Create the time for stillness in your life. Go into Corpse Pose. Allow yourself to be present. With nothing wrong. Nothing to do or fix. Nothing figure out. This is where you can feel that you are, always have been and always will be connected to the Divine. The immense and unwavering love that resides in that connection will heal more than any personal development tool, healer, or practice.

Lovingly

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Integrity is the wholeness of something. Instead of looking at integrity as morality look at it as stability and completeness. Integrity goes beyond being honesty and encompasses authenticity. Integrity goes beyond doing what needed to get done and encompasses doing what you are capable of for the result intended. Integrity goes beyond doing what you said you’d do and encompasses being who you say you are.

When you stop short of integrity you compromise stability and wholeness. When you do less than you are capable of, withhold part of yourself or shy away from your immense power you shake the foundation of your life. It doesn’t matter if its that you didn’t exercise this morning or you have been talking smack at work it will affect how your life functions.

The energy that moves you and moves your life is one energy it is a constant and continuous flow. What flows in from chit chating over coffee with a friend flows through your money making and your house. The energy in your house flows through your sex life and your relationship with your mom.

So when you are looking at anything not working in your life look at your integrity. Where are you out of integrity? Where have you stopped short?

Back to Jenga…The areas of life that we all tend to drop the fastest – healthy eating, exercise, self care are at the bottom of the tower. These are the aspects of your life that have the most impact on the other parts of your life. If you are having financial problems look at how you have been eating. When you restore the integrity in your diet you will things will shift automatically in your finances.

Integrity Exercise:

1. List the different areas of your life. Example: household, career, finances, relationship, sex, spiritual practice…

2. Divide them into 2 catagories: In integrity or out of integrity.

3. For each area of your life that is out of integrity commit to one action that will restore integrity. Give special attention to the self care.

4. Schedule those actions.

5. Enjoy a life that functions on a higher level.

Lovingly

No seriously! I have been walking my talk and really working on my own patterns. Particularly one that has affected my life ever since I was 18 and making my first big financial decisions. My patterns was choosing what I wanted over my financial stability (because I didn’t think I could have both).

In the next few weeks I am sharing all the tools that helped me break that pattern but first there are 3 principles that are universal truths you have to face if you really want to break a pattern.

Here they are:

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Why?.. and more importantly, how can we stop the madness?

Naturally, I googled it. “eating healthy for the holidays”. I read 7 different articles on how to solve this problem. And while I think this one had some particularly helpful tips http://dottie1.hubpages.com/hub/A-Guide-to-Healthy-Eating-During-the-Holidays, they all pretty much said the same thing.

1. Eat less fat and sugar.

2. Eat more fruits and veggies

3. Exercise more.

Was any of that a revelation for you? Of course not. The problem is absolutely not that you don’t know what to do. You know how to eat but you don’t. According to Weight Watchers the average American gains around 7-10 lbs between thanksgiving and new years! And that is not because of ignorance.

So why is it?

A look at willpower.

Relying on willpower sucks, and therefore it usually doesn’t work. Practicing willpower is like giving one half of yourself the job of controlling the other half. The problem of course is that you are really just one person, and one person trying to move in two opposite direction just stays in the same spot. Its an exhausting and hopeless battle.

Mark Tyrrell from Uncommon Help has a great article on building your willpower muscle: http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/no-willpower/.

He looks at willpower as a limited resource and the only way to effectively use it is to pick your battles. So when you think of the endless line of sweets and treats that come your way during the holidays its easy to see how you actually run out of willpower.

Stop being a Pushmepullyou (Dr. Doolittle reference if you grew up on Mars)

Instead of giving part of you the unhappy job of disciplinarian, while you your other half acts like a bratty sugar crazed child – let’s get all of you on the same page. Why would you eat food that makes you sick and unhappy in the long run?

1. It solves an emotional need.

2. It solves a social need.

3. You just aren’t paying attention.

#1 and 2 are completely valid needs and there is no getting rid of them. Food does provide temporary solution for these basic needs by providing a few moments of emotional satisfaction and a feeling of connection between you and all the other eaters.  Instead of trying to hold yourself back from meeting these needs with food, you have to meet these needs in other ways. There are things you can do to address your emotional and social needs just as quick and delightfully as food does!

#3, not paying attention, is just a crazy human problem.  For some reason we pretty much all have a really hard time being present. I have some really easy to use techniques for bringing you back to the moment – and to the reality that no, you don’t want another piece of pumpkin pie.

Problem 1: Emotional Eating

Eating is suppose to be emotional.

When eating is pleasurable it releases endorphins that relax you and and make it easier to digest…  but the awesome feelings that you get from eating cake can actually inhibit your bodies ability to naturally produce that high! This article on 3fatchicks.com equates this to a kind of dependency or addiction to these foods.

The solution is to care for your emotional well being in other ways.

Solution 1: Go on a stress diet.

Instead of creating strategies for limiting your fat and sugar intake create strategies for de-stressing your life. Look at that holiday to do list and party schedule… what can you choose to leave undone? Probably, nothing on that list is life or death but stress could be.  According to American Institute of Stress  there is tons of evidence for stress being a major contributor to illness like cancer and heart disease, not to mention weight gain.

- Make a not-gonna-do-it list. How can you simplify? How can you weed your “obligations” down to the bare minimum? Just keep the joyful tasks! Fuck buying a fruit cake for every person you know. Think quality over quantity. Do less with more heart, love , gratitude and generosity.

- Stay far away from the crazy shopping scenes! Plan ahead, and prioritize your sanity over deals.

- That goes for high tension family vibes, too. Use the rest of the year to work on your family issues and prioritize peace for the family dinners! Your digestive system will thank you!

- Pick the events that you really WANT to go to. Your time, health and happiness is more valuable than any approval or whatever for attending lame parties out of obligation.

Solution 2: Increase your pleasure intake.

Man, I love pleasure… Pleasure creates the opposite physiological response to stress. Chris Kresser L. Ac says pleasure is good for you primarily because of its affect on your immune system. You can read all about that here:  http://chriskresser.com/pleasure-is-good-for-you.

Pleasure stimulates the parasympathetic nervous response – decrease in blood pressure, slows heart rate and most importantly …. IMPROVES DIGESTION. That means you actually process your food properly!

Pleasure is an actual need. You will try and satisfy that need with food if you don’t keep your pleasure tank full.

Here are just a few ideas to fill up on pleasure!

- Make the not so joyful tasks a delight. Find an errand buddy, make a soundtrack or sing your own soundtrack. Joy is an inside job not about the surroundings!

- Stillness, hot baths, read a book. Take care of yourself and decompress. Here is a sweet meditation to fill your heart:

(lots more on healthy, loving and pleasurable eating habits from Jena @ pleasurableweightloss.com )

- Cozy family time. Who do you want to see? Make time for them. Instead of party hopping just hang out all day with your besties.

- Make more LOVE. Sex makes lots of endorphins!

Problem 2: Social Eating

Eating is suppose to be a social event. We are the only animal that prepares its food so from start to finish. It’s part of the culture of being human, especially this time of year. Sharing good food is important!

The problem is that our social situations often support crappy food choices. To navigate these situations lets look at the main problems that come up when you don’t want to eat what everyone else is eating.

Embarrassment

Whether you are actually on a diet or just don’t want to have a food hangover, it can trigger some shame to say you are watching what you eat. We all want to appear super confident, and easy going.

Solution: Come from Self Love

If you are confident, that will show up. Being diet conscious can come from a place of insecurity and shame or it can come from a place of valuing your body and showing yourself respect. Where are you coming from?

Not feeling the love? Check this out: http://howdoiloveme.com/the-book

and the queen of self love: http://daretobeme.com

Social Anxiety

We all know that alcohol is a social lubricant but the buffet table can also provide a safe haven when you are feeling awkward. It makes you look busy and gives you something to talk about.  But do you really need to be reliving middle school dance emotions at a diner party?

Solution: Compassion and Connection

Give yourself compassion and then get over it. Everything good in your life comes from connection so get out there and connect. There are tons of books out there to help you rock your social skills Here are a few:

All good books, but really the bottom line is to remember they are fellow humans each with their own fears, and hopes and experiences. Get curious about what life is like for them and let that move you away from the hor d’oeuvres.

Being Polite

My uncle prepares for Thanksgiving over the course of a week and creates a masterpiece that could compete with the best kitchen’s on the planet. I will tell you right now, nothing that is served would make the cut for dinner at home. Don’t get me wrong it is amazingly delicious but not organic or humanely raised, there’s processed sugar, there’s dairy, there’s wheat flour, and again its delicious.

It can be really difficult to take care of your own needs when the main event is someone’s masterpiece meal.

Solution: Graciousness

Eat it. Say thank you! Dote on every smell and color. Imagine the wonderful energy all that sugar is going to give you.  A couple of meals a year isn’t gonna make or break your health. And stop when your full (more on that with problem 3!)

or

Don’t eat it and say that you have a lot of allergies or food sensitivities (does it make you feel sick?). That you just came for the amazing company.

Remember no one can force you to do anything. It is your choice so choose with intention. I am going to eat this food and let it be nourishing and drink a glass of green juice when I get home or I am not going to eat this food but I will make sure that the hostess feels honored and appreciated.

Side Note: Thanksgiving and Christmas I choose to eat it.  I remember the joyful experience of sharing delicious food all year and the minor yuck feeling only lasts a few hours.

Problem 3: Unconscious eating.

This is not just the holidays, this is every moment of your life. Are you present? Would you notice if your guts split open with too much stuffing or if the sugar rush gave you a heart attack? Eating for pleasure isn’t bad, its GOOD. But do you stop eating when it stops being pleasurable?

Alcohol is a really great way to stay far away from the present moment. Not only is it poisonous to your body but it removes your self protection superpowers, letting in unhealthy people, parasitic energies, and dangerous situations – plus its so unattractive! Terri Cole has some helpful things to notice with your own alcohol consumption. http://terricole.com/2011/11/21/holiday-drinking-merry-or-messy/

Solution:

Practice presence. FYI, I stole simple exercise from Josh Pais’ Committed Impulses class. If you want the real deal its all here: http://committedimpulse.com

1. Breathe!

2. Feel the Sensation in your body.

3. See what is in front of you.

4. When you catch yourself drifting out of the present moment declare “I’m back!”

…and lay off the booze!

Pleasure eating

Super Important note about healthy eating – It isn’t about living off of rice cakes, its about eating foods that feel good on every level. Foods that make you feel good emotionally, physically and yes, spiritually too!

Photo Creds: Fortyseven, enric archivell, mellyjean, mokolabs, denipet, sbisson, Christine Arylo, My Cousin Zach, Stephen Edgar -Netweb

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Its a beautiful cafe, with lovely lighting, loose tea. But when I walked in there was this barking music. It sounded like an old dog cartoon singing a Cajun march over and over. It was like being bitten with dull, rough teeth over and over.

Do you ever find yourself in the car feeling a little crabby and then you realize that the radio has been playing commercials for the last few minutes. An itchy sweater, a harsh light, shoes that are just a bit too tight…

I know I am sensitive. My work is 99% about feeling, feeling emphatically what my client is feeling. Sensing is my greatest tool so being sensitive is something I honor and respect.

Pleasure calls you into the present moment. You want to be here and now when it feels good. When you are present, you can know yourself. When you are present you can direct the course of your life. When you are present you…

Toughen up. Grin and bear it. We aren’t suppose to be picky or high maintenance. Sacrificing what we really want and what feels good is going to make it easier for other people. I don’t know about you but my life purpose is not to make anyone’s life easy. My life is not easy. It is beautiful, joyful, vibrant, honest but definitely not easy.

What are you sacrificing for convenience? You may think that its just taking your time to get ready in the morning or the nice sweater that cost $15 more than the itchy one you bought. What you are really sacrificing is your sensitivity. Sensitivity – intuition – empathy – self awareness – pleasure – vitality – genius

The natural world is not beautiful on accident. It is beautiful by design because pleasure makes things work better.

Lovingly

The very short happiness check list:

#1 I am growing and evolving.

#2 My life is aligned with who I am now.

The problem:

At some point your growth you have to put down a flag and build things. I chose a husband. I chose a city. I created a brand, business, programs and products. I had babies. I made friendships. I took classes. All of was a snap shot of who I was in the moment I chose it.

But we change, I change, you change. Then what? Do you can your commitments because they no longer reflect who you are?

Some people have the opposite problem. They never make the choices in the first place. It can be difficult to feel at home in any decision when your personal evolution is happening so rapidly. Here are the solutions I came up with:

1. At some point you just gotta choose. Being in a state of indecision is draining. Choosing something, even making the “wrong” choice is going to further your evolution and bring you closer to happiness requirement #2.

2. Keep the end in mind. If you are making a commitment that is going to be lifelong – husband, children, personal brand. Don’t base your decision on who you are today. Think who do I want to be in 20, 30, 50 years? Would that person choose this path?

This is not the same as thinking do I want this for the rest of your life!

3. Build in innovation. Make innovation an integral part of your career path, marriage, business, friendships and home life. This requires reflection time, time where you can practice stillness and connect to your present state. It also requires excellent communication and environments that value innovation. Creating a culture of innovation in all of your relationships at work, with clients and personal life is imperative.

Choose and then innovate!

If you like this post don’t forget to like it and tweet it!

Lovingly

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Happiness comes from within.

The only relationships that can truly give you lasting happiness is your relationship with yourself and your relationship with God.

Self love is finding God in your Self.

Love, REAL LOVE is never conditional.

Self love goes beyond appreciating your talents or your “good” qualities. It is about appreciating your existence.

What fosters self love?

Pleasure

Creating things

Imagine baby you

Being present

Using your body

When you come across the little bits of “not Love” in your system, love yourself all the more.

Then when you have practiced Self Love and you think you might be getting the hang of it…

Know that Self includes everything else. Self Love is living love. Its loving and its being loved. Its praying and its creating. Love is life force. Love is the Creator.

Self Love is where its at!

Loving you

But wouldn’t it be great if they grew up and got an education first?

Did you know that One-quarter to one-half of girls in developing countries become mothers before age 18; 14 million girls aged 15 to 19 give birth in developing countries each year?

This is a problem. Its a problem not just because these mother’s are still children. Its a problem because medical complications from pregnancy are the number 1 cause of death in girls between 15 and 18 in the developing world. Most of these woman are uneducated, and have no way of supporting themselves or their children. Frequently these woman have been forced into marriages that are abusive were they are sexually exploited. This is a big problem not just for these girls. It has now become a problem for the next generation growing up in poverty, uneducated family’s and abusive conditions.

But if these girls were able to hold off on marriage and get an education. They could earn an income. Marry when they choose. Have children when they are physically, psychologically and financially prepared. These woman would invest in their family’s, because that is what woman do.

Fact: When women and girls earn income, they reinvest 90 per- cent of it into their families, as compared to only 30 to 40 percent for a man.

Now, imagine that the 600 million girl’s in the developing world were educated, earning an income, marrying whom they choose, investing their wealth into their community and raising their children to be healthy and educated. That is going to change the world. That is the girl effect.

Watch the Girl Effect in Effect:

I deeply and completely believe in this cause so until Oct. 11th I am donating 30% off all sales service and products to the girl effect. If you have been on the fence now is a time to mobilize.

Coaching session $52.5 goes to The Girl Effect

Coaching Program $308.7 – $599.7 goes to The Girl Effect

Simple Life Purpose e-course  $5.7 goes to The Girl Effect

TerraStars $56.7 goes to The Girl Effect

or give directly to girleffect.org