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Lillian Eve Moore

I remember walking barefoot in Spring as a child and feeling the electricity of the Earth rush through my feet.

I had open channels and an eager heart. I was ready and willing to meet the sweetness of the world with my own soul’s sweetness.

There are some backwards systems and fearful ways ingrained in our movements. From painful parenting practices to blinding distribution of currency, we as a culture have forgotten how to be nice to ourselves, and it is very difficult to be better to anyone else.

When we look around, it could be so easy to believe that we are fucked up. There must be something wrong with them… us… me.

How could we have the social and environmental problems we have if we are good?

Mmmm, but we are good! They… we… I am good.

Today, I think that the best path is to ignore everything else. Maybe we can ignore every problem that there is for long enough to feel whole and loved, to find and feel our goodness.

Then, with the electric joy of connecting our good feet to the good Earth, we face the mess with faith and strength.

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You know how sometimes you are feeling really great, and then you spend too long with that one person (usually your family) and you feel wiped out or sour? Or maybe you are feeling low all day until that one person steps in, and without doing or saying anything, you start feeling better.

You might have even been told by other people that it feels good to be around you.

This is because there is a constant energetic death match going on, and only the strongest vibes survive. I am not kidding you.

Our energy systems are like radio signals, and when you are with someone who has a different frequency than you, there is a competition for who has the stronger signal.

Another way you can look at it is like gears: our energy is spinning in different ways, and as we bump up against each other we synchronize, but we synchronize to the gear with the stronger engine behind it.

There are so many things in life that you can’t control, but what causes the anxiety is when you don’t have power over your own state of being. The most effective way to feel good consistently is to have a robust energy field and practice feeling good, no matter what.

Here is how:

1. Train your mind to focus

Your mind might like to fantasize, or it might like to obsess, or it may be in the habit of escalating fear and anger. If you can choose your thoughts and train your mind to focus, then your energy body begins to stabilize.

2. Stop doing things that feel bad

As you’re starting out, you don’t want to be kicking yourself in the butt! The point of this is to get good at feeling good, not good at surviving shitty situations. If you are doing something that feels miserable, figure out how to remove it from your life or figure out how to enjoy it.

3. Do things that feel good

You can actually practice and train yourself to feel good. Start off by using circumstances, or props, or your environment to intentionally start good feelings.

4. Practice feeling good for no reason

In a moment that feels neutral, right when you wake up or maybe between activities in your day, choose to feel good. You can do this by remembering what good feels like. What does it feel like in your body? What does good make you want to do or say? Remember as vividly as you can, because your mind really doesn’t know the difference between real and imaginary.

Once you are feeling good for no reason, you are already way ahead of most the energetic competition. You can take it to the next level by feeling good even when things are terrible! But terrible things will have a hard time happening when you are so happy :) You bring the light, and there is no darkness in your view.

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There is this notion that you can’t have anything you aren’t already embodying, that you can’t be loved if you don’t love yourself, you can’t feel comfortable with your circumstances unless you feel comfortable with yourself.

But you didn’t arise out of an empty space

You came through relationship, you came through love making, or at least fucking and the tissue of your mother, and you were raised on dirt and water and sunshine. The Universe was here with infinite experiences to offer you!

You weren’t given the nourishment of relationships, and nature, and pleasure only to try and survive without them. You were given nourishment to use it with the creativity of your spirit and make something that has never before been an expression of life, something that is totally unique, a you! A life that wouldn’t be without your creative powers.

Letting the sun shine on your face is self love

Letting the sun shine on your face is self love

If you are going to sit alone and try to love yourself, then bring all of the love that has EVER been offered to you, every bit of life  that has fed you into that silence. Bring your most pleasurable experiences, and your most enriching relationships; bring the wind and all of the animals.

If you put it off, saying that you aren’t ready, or worthy, or don’t love yourself enough, then you’re just cutting yourself off from yourself. Letting the sun shine on your face is self love. Eating is self love. Sex, and work, and raising children, and every bit of living, and interacting, and breathing is self love. Love is life force! Be alive and you can’t help but be loved.

There is nothing for you to do on your own. You couldn’t be on your own if you tried.

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This past winter was a sweet inspiration to revisit and complete healing on childhood traumas (that’s code for “I got triggered a lot”). When I feel into the wounds and deficiencies of my childhood, I can sometimes drop into self-loathing, with some part of me believing that I can never be as functional or as good as someone with a healthy, balanced upbringing.

They are childhood wounds that become reasons to lash out at a partner, or slink back from an opportunity, or just generally move in small, safe, feeling ways.

So in addition to carrying the wound, we carry guilt and shame about having the wound at all.

I know how to heal trauma. I’m actually a trained professional. But healing can’t happen while you are hating on the wound. You can pretty much render any healing art ineffective by using it to “fix” your sorry, broken self.

A context of acceptance is needed.

 

Today, while I was laying in a sunny patch of woods, I thought to myself, “Doesn’t the sun shine on all of us? Isn’t this earth under each one of us? What has supported me? What has sheltered me consistently? What has raised me perfectly? Sweet earth and sky, the Divine life force moving through it all!”

This Divinity is my true parent. This is what birthed me and raises me still. I will always be a perfect child to this Perfection.

My earthly parents are imperfect. They made harmful mistakes and missteps, but they also did the best they could. They gave everything they had to give, and they are also perfect children to that Perfection.

With that foundation of Love, each wound becomes a gentle lesson in resiliency, love, forgiveness, expansion, vulnerability, compassion. Each wound becomes a blessing to give thanks to.

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I felt like crap about myself, and I wanted to feel better.
I didn’t like most of what I had created in my life, and I wanted to create something better.
And from this place, the thought arose: if I want to feel better, and I want better things to happen, I need to be better.

I looked at all my mistakes, and all of the behavior I felt shame about, and yeah, I just wanted to be better.

I wanted to be a better wife, mother, sister, friend. I needed to be a better cook, teacher, coach, artist. It even infiltrated my self-care and spiritual home; I needed to be a better meditator, a better yogi, a better Lover, better at feeling good. I needed to be a better refugee of my childhood.

But somewhere in me, this wise child rebelled. She said, “I’m good! I am so, so, SO good. You don’t even know the beginning of my goodness! My always, every way goodness, wholeness, lovely lovely me!”

I wish I could tell you I listened…

…but I didn’t. Instead, I tried to be better. And it was painful. Even joyful practices like swimming, painting and meditating became painful. Taking care of myself was painful because it was with intent to kill.

I sentenced myself to death. Most of all, I sentenced a death to the part of myself that would judge me so hard. Judging my judgement. Resisting my resistance. Hating my hate. Trying to control my controlling reaction.

It was a miserable few months in the underworld, pushing a rock up the hill over and over, only to have the same lousy feeling and same lousy circumstances.

But Life is miraculous, and plants push up through the tiniest cracks in concrete.

 

Life is miraculous

The voice of my deepest knowing is reflected in the ones who keep their heart open to me, who know me and accept me completely, the courageous lovers of Me. With songs and walks in the wood, with shared meals and Love. Slowly, my resistance to myself weakened.

A friend asked me, “Why do you meditate?” I reluctantly admitted, “Lately, because I want to be a better person.” But that’s not meditation, that’s a twenty minute jail sentence: sit very still, and very quiet, and try not to be what you are.

Truly, I meditate because I love to sit in silence and feel the infinite Love of God. I swim to feel my body move and the water against my skin. I sing for the pleasure of my vibrating cells. I paint to enjoy the colors of my experience that I have no thoughts for.

I could say that feeling good makes me a better person, but right now, I don’t give a shit. I just want to feel good.

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If your mood (and with it, your perspective) stays consistently joyful, you can change everything else in your life.

We act as if it is our external circumstances that give us the internal experiences. In actuality, our life will always reflect our internal world back to us; a joyful disposition will bring you a life which supports that joy.

However, the things in your life don’t always change instantaneously; the opinions and molecules have to shift, and that can take time. It will happen, but it can take time.

Going from miserable to joyful may feel like you are having to drag your life with you. Your finances, your home, your relationships, your work: all may seem like they are holding you back. You have this new joyful disposition, and you’ve got this life you made when you were miserable that keeps reminding you to be miserable!

This is when it is such a good idea to go for something new

It’s not necessary to cut ties, quit, or move, but there is such power in being in a new place, talking with a new friend, having a conversation you just couldn’t have when you’re miserable with someone you wouldn’t have met.

try a new coffee shop, meet someone new

try a new coffee shop, meet someone new

Here is a list of some ideas to help inspire you:

Try a new…

  • coffee shop
  • route home (using public transportation)
  • class
  • volunteer project
  • outfit
  • park
  • spiritual practice
  • artist to listen to
  • and remember to look up, make eye contact, smile, and (yes!), say “hi”

This is creating life right now, where you are, in your joy.

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Oh, I am all about connection! I am desirous and revelatory and found in connection. In service, in friendship, in the woods, in sex, in nature, in eating living foods, here with you, singing to God, I find connection and in connection I feel the reality of who I am.

I love to focus on giving. I am a mother. I deeply desire to care for people. I also love being supported and seeing the miracles that are given to me every minute.

Mmmm, but there is a dance between connecting out and connecting in, and the past few weeks I have found myself reaching out and finding nothing there. Offering up and no one’s receiving. I felt alone like I haven’t in years.

Sometimes you just can’t find the connection, not to the people, the place, the work or even God. But you, darling you, are a microcosm of the whole Universe. Anything you do to yourself, you do with the whole of creation.

So give yourself some. Whatever it is you want to offer the world, give it to yourself. Whatever you are hoping she will say, or he will give or the experience will provide, give it to yourself.

I remember sitting in meditation one day 2 years ago and my energy aligned. You know how water moving through a hose will throw the hose around a bit? That happened in my meridians. It was like a shot of electricity went through me and my wiring smoothed out. Then, through the bottom of my feet and the top of my head I plugged in to the grid.

As we become healthier we nestle into to the divine movements of the Universe.

Giving yourself some allows that development, so you can plug in even deeper. Then you get more out of every bite and your offers are spot on.

To give myself some, I wrote a love letter.  I hope it inspires you to get sweet on yourself:

Dearest Lillian, 

My sweet Love. What can I tell you, but I am so grateful to be you. Every dream you have is just right for me. Every desire you have is just right for me. I will always be here to bring them to life. I am so deeply committed to your happiness. I give my life to it. I love seeing how your desires serve others. I am so proud of your generous, willing and incredibly brave heart. 

I love seeing what you have created. Your business, your children, your community, your home all fill me with gratitude and awe. I love seeing how you care for these things but even more I love seeing how you care for yourself. I love seeing you sing, and paint, eat just right and move and sweat and bath and pamper. Every part of your beauty becomes more radiant with your attention. 

I see you as unstoppable. I see you as incredibly powerful but I also see you as tender and vulnerable. I can feel where you hold back, shut down and hide from me. I will spend my life inviting you out with my unconditional love and acceptance. 

I can’t see what will come next but I am on the ride with you. I know it will be wonderful because I trust you completely and I will be there to support you. 

Yours truly

Lillian. 

If you feel inspired I would love to hear you give yourself some in the comments below!

 

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When you completely fall in Love with life, or you could say, you reconnect spiritually. Two things happen:

1. You feel as though anything is possible. 

This is lovely and true. When the roots of your spirit dig past the circumstantial evidence into the infinite flow of wellbeing and creativity, anything is possible. This truth is liberating. There is a simultaneous feeling of inspiration and freedom. Anything is possible and it doesn’t really matter what happens it is all in divine order.

2. You shrink back wondering: How?

As we straddle between faith in our connection and faith in our fear our little ego’s pipe up with lots to pull us away. Thoughts like “What do I do?” ” How do I choose?” “How do I  (insert circumstances you wish to force)?”. The possibility is immediately negated, believing we have to arrange for everything ourselves.

Let’s revel!

Let’s hang out with the freedom for a minute, with that first breath of energy returning to us. Let’s marinate in the desire to know ourselves, and participate in the goodness of life and God. Its so good and natural when we feel connected to want to contribute. Let’s stay with that energy, while we do what we are already doing. Let’s bring the inspiration to the work right in front of us. And while we work, let’s listen and think creatively.

It won’t stop there. Our oneness will not leave you deserted in your longing to realize. Let the freedom move into inspiration, into direction and into the specific guidance. Let your intellect extend your experience of connection rather than block it.

Act brilliantly and consistently on the guidance given and notice how much you did not even have to do because an unseen hand has arranged all the pieces for you.

When you have no idea how, say “Thank you”.  Thank you for all the mysterious movement of the Universe, for every leap life has taken without your effort. Hallelujah, its not all up to me.

What about our infinite creative powers? What about God within? Hard work? Discipline and education? 

Its true, when we connect with all that is, we not only surrender our personal control but we gain infinite power. Let’s apply the full force of that power where we are clear and guided. Let’s align our desires with the desires of the whole. When we don’t know where to put all of our efforts let’s put all of our efforts into getting clear.

Thank you for the opportunity to cover all of this with my mind and fingers and eyes. It is all for my benefit and I hope for yours too.

Love you.

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I did my first dry fast a few days ago, no food or water for 36 hours …

I am generally on, what I like to call “the pleasure diet”. I eat whatever is pleasurable to me. That means it feels good physically, emotionally, spiritually and it means that If I crave something I eat it. Typically, this diet is perfect for me.

If I am outside a lot, singing, meditating and present with my kiddos, my cravings are like a finely tuned detector, guiding me to exactly what my body needs. I eat a wide variety of plants, some cooked, some raw and the occasional consciously cared for animal.

This way of eating is pretty much how I do everything else. Its how I plan my schedule, how I spend my money, how I date.  And its great.

Accept that sometimes I am out of balance and I crave a donut and there is something about eating a donut that makes me want to eat some bacon, and brownies, and pasta and cheese. Now apply this to my whole life…

My entire guidance system off oriented towards empty calories, empty purchases, empty sex, and I wake up and can’t figure out why I feel so lousy.

Following pleasure is like following breadcrumbs. Each step might feel rewarding until you look up and realize you are way way of course.

Enter the fast. Out of absolutely nothing, what then? I find that my mind and body and spirit begin to clarify into such a precious state my standards are immediately raised. My desires recalibrate and I know what will be more deeply fulfilling and satisfying.

This is the fast I just did:

The feeling is similar to free diving, where you hold your breath for long minutes while you dive deep. The thrill and joy of being down there is only passed by the thrill and joy of breathing again. After diving, everything seems brighter and sweeter. Like cutting off all the dependancies to the outside world and diving deep, allows you to immerse more capable of connecting.

Lots of Love and happy fasting!

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I always want to speak to you. Truthfully, I dream about you. I dream about offering you gold from the fingertips to the computer. I dream about gold dripping out of my mouth as we sit together and talk about whatever you want to talk about, and it would cover our floor with preciousness.

But very often, I can’t find the floor.

Groundless, I tune in and ask, what do I know, that is useful? What could I offer as council and in answer, I get the sweetest smile from my own heart. That’s it.

Recently, I sent out a survey asking what kind of support you were needing. Most of you said I don’t know.  I don’t know either.

I am here with you in a house with children and bills. I stress about things and fight. My love life this year could have been a comedy if the leading lady hadn’t cried so much.

I sit, I sing, I write and process and my life progresses. I feel the presence of God in my life, in my being, sometimes a lot. Sometimes I feel peace. Sometimes I feel bliss in my body. Sometimes I feel connected to everything, ready to serve. Often it feels like heaven on earth and I look at my children and surrender my whole heart to joy.

With the bills and God and stress and bliss and gratitude and losing my temper and still miraculously, we are dancing in the kitchen together. We snuggle up in our sleep. I wish I had learned something.

I know nothing but that there is a sweetness in my heart that makes my own life worth living, to me. That sweetness in my heart has me seek you out for the sweetness in you.

I have positioned myself as a teacher and a leader but truthfully, I just want to be together as sweethearts.

As sweethearts, lets talk about love and debt and projects and all the things that matter the most to you and to me.

Thank you for being here with me.

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