≡ Menu

Lillian Eve Moore



 







The subway wishing well series:

This is a journal entry I wrote during one of the most difficult times of my life. I have been sharing recently about my growth and changes, in relationship to wealth. These articles were written when I was the poorest, in every way, that I have ever been. They are equal parts escape and venting. I didn’t publish them in my coaching blog because I was ashamed of how cynical and unproductive they were. Now I know the story has a happy ending and I want you to know if you feel like cynical now there is hope. These were written in 2010.

This particular article follows my process of releasing my childhood perceptions of money. I went through this process using tapping to move the emotions energetically.

It is so rare that we get to see the underpinnings of other families money dynamics I hope it provides insight and movement for you.

A Wealth Practice:

I am sick and tired of not knowing if I can pay the bills. I am sick and tired of being confused about the pursuit of wealth. I am sick and tired of feeling like the rugs being pulled out from me I am sick and tired of guessing. I feel stressed and confused and like I have so many unhealthy habitual ways when it comes to money.

From my Family

It seems like it was always up to luck. We were in crisis. We were rich then we weren’t. Making money was easy. Managing money was hard. Money was not to be valued. Being able to stand on your own two feet, mandatory. I bought my school clothes, and toothpaste with babysitting money starting at 11 and paid my rent throughout college when the rest of my sisters were covered.

From other family members I was taught entitlement. I was taught to be a princess. Expect the bill to be covered.

Its no wonder my finances are so messed up.

Transforming

I forgive my parents for not being financially stable. I forgive myself for feeling like I was unstable. I forgive my family for “buying my love”. I forgive myself for feeling guilty, desperate and greedy. I forgive myself and my parents for being irresponsible with money.

Insights

I don’t actually know what went on in my parents financial lives when I was a kid. I do know that I had vacations, horses, and 500 acres to roam. I bought my own clothes but I also went to one of the most expensive schools in the city. I paid my own rent but they bought me plane tickets and loaned me money for my business. Since I was little I have had to be very independent and I have also had incredible opportunities.

I have been given the perfect mixture of high expectations and work ethic.

Epilogue

My parents cosigned on $14,000 worth of loans for my education. I have opted to focus on investing more in my education and business in the last 5 years but have still paid it down to $3,848. Today my dad paid it off telling me I could pay him instead. It was incredibly generous and I am feeling really grateful.

Love

 

0 comments

Step 1. Give things away for free.

You create the culture around you through your values and behavior. By giving things away, you make it a normal way of relating. When you give for the joy of giving it shows other people how good it feels and pretty soon your whole community is reveling in giving things away!

We had two men from an ashram in Colorado staying with us. I consider it my sacred duty to feed people in my home so they were sharing breakfast, lunch and dinner with us every day for almost 2 weeks. This was a time when money was tight and the addition meant I was feeding 4 grown men and 2 boys (that eat like grown men) on my one income.
My husband was taking care of the kids, the visitors were traveling without any money and Srajan was still a full time student working part time for $8/ hr.
I decided that it was an honor to feed them and I wasn’t willing to consider any other options. The Sunday they left 2 friends (who had no idea about my predicament) dropped off 5 overflowing bags of vegatables from the farmers market. This was a total surprise!

2. Focus on other people’s needs.

When you are thinking about what other people need they feel safe to think about what you need.

My friend has two roommates. One of them always asks my friend if he needs anything when he goes to the store, does chores around the house without making a big deal and just generally is willing to help out. The other always wants exact change, lets everyone know what he has done, and always seems to be thinking about what is he going to get out of it. So the first roommate has freerange over my friends food and gadgets while the other one has to make a deal for everything.
We made veggie juice for our landlord almost every day during his first round of chemo. We cook him dinner and we plant trees in the yard. Our rent is about half market value. It is so low that decided to raise it ourselves.

3. Have faith in people.

Frequently, people aren’t as generous as they want to be because they are afraid other people will screw them over. The world is full of generous people walking around being stingy because they are afraid that other people are stingy. Pretty rediculous.

I was hitchhiking in Australia and every time I got a ride from an incredibly kind and helpful person they told me how dangerous it was to be hitchhiking. It was a little difficult to believe that there were so many kooks out there and I just happened to only meet generous, loving poeple. That is also all I met hitchhiking in New Zealand, Thailand, Hawaii, Mexico and all over the states.

4. Think outside of tit for tat.

Give where you are inspired to give. Give where you are needed and asked for. Give any time it feels good to give. That person or situation might not ever give back but it doesn’t mean you won’t be taken care of .

The day I started offering one of my premium products for donation I received $700 in unexpected payments totally unrelated to my program.

http://reconnectwithwealth.com

5. Understand where things come from.

Absolutely everything comes from the divine, through nature and through people. When you understand this you can stop trying to extract your needs from specific places. What you need will come to you if you are participating in the constant exchange of goodness.

I went for a hike in the preserve near my house. I wasn’t planning on being out that long but grabbed my pack with a water bottle, a blanket, a lighter, my fishing line. On the path I found a dead lizard that I picked up to use as bait later on. It was hot and I went through my water really quickly. About 7 miles in, and close to dark I found a spring coming out of the cliff. I filled up my water bottle through my line in the water. I caught a little cat fish, cooked it on a rock and slept happy on my blanket under the stars.

6. Be resourceful

Often the things we are looking for are already in our space. Repurposing is not only a profound way of showing respect for what you have (a critical component of having), it is also a way to show respect for the person, nature and divine that brought it to you.

My husband is king of this principle. I find that what was a broken mirror is now a disco ball bicycle helmet, old shipping pallets have become our boys bunk bed, grain from our local brewary becomes food for the chickens, and kombucha bottles become a chandelier.

7. Delight in desire

Most of us find the sensation of sexual arousal pleasurable. Desire itself is meant to be a joyful part of expanding into more. Why do we experience material want as such a stressful thing? Odds are the list of your desires is endless so if you bet your happiness on getting everytihng you want you are never going to be happy.

Finding joy in the present moment is not only the only option for happiness, it is also a great way to call things to you. Your happiness is an offering that inspires life to give you more goodness.
My luggage broke and it was ugly to begin with. I was taking frequent weekend trips and bummed out everytime I had to pack that wretched bag. Then as I was reading Mama Gena’s School of womanly arts, I realized I was not practicing attracting abundance. So I started to imagine my beautiful new bag. I could feel what it would feel like to pack it and not 24 hours later my mom gave me a brand new beautifully embroidered bag.

8. Be gracious.

Being gracious means first and foremost seeing and acknowledging what you have been given. Acknowledging that it is a gift, that regardless of your actions or who you are, you did not earn it. If thats how it worked, there would be no hardworking hungry people on the planet.

It means being grateful and communicating that gratitude in as many ways as you can relish in.

It means being grateful for the people around you, having what they want.

It means having integrity with the way you use the gift, the way you talk about it and the giver.

The list of things that have been given to me is pretty humbling. I have been given cars, dinning room sets, plane tickets, meals, rides, designer clothes, natural skin care, lots of money, classes, concerts, songs, massage/ acuppuncture/ healing/ therapy sessions, and this is just the abreviated list of things that typically cost money. I have been given so so so much more.

It is my task to be willing to receive and focus my heart on giving.

If you would like more support cultivating wealth, go here:  http://reconnectwithwealth.com

0 comments

 There is a major problem with how we think about wealth and it is keeping us from really getting our needs and desires fulfilled. 

We think about wealth as money. In actuality, is a representer of wealth. Real wealth is access to what you need and want. Food, shelter, entertainment, beauty, leisure, emotional and physical connection, creative expression, education, community, are all things that we need and want. Money doesn’t actually fulfill any needs or desires.

When we pursue money as our source of wealth we lose touch with what actually fulfils us.  The blind and unconscious pursuit of money actually takes us further away from our true happiness because we are putting our energy into something that is empty.

 

But I am not here to hate on money! Clearly money is very important…

Money REPRESENTS real wealth. It is a very powerful tool if you understand that. If you don’t understand that, you don’t know the value of money. You won’t use it wisely, you will have a hard time attracting it and when you do, you won’t be satisfied.

 

When someone pays you can see it in two different ways.

1. They have given you a piece of paper that is becoming less and less valuable the longer you hold it. You need lots of these pieces of paper to survive.

2. They have given you their attention, their time, their talents and their relationships. You need attention, time, talent, and relationships to thrive.

Not only is the 2nd perspective more empowering to you, and the payee its more accurate as well.

To understand this let’s consider the origin of money. Before bills, gold or beads were used for trading we bartered. Someone would give you time, attention, talents and relationships in exchange for the same from you.

This is the system we still use but now we pay it forward. I give my attention, time, etc to you, then you give yours to someone else, and so on. The way we represent what we have given to someone else is through money.

Here is an exercise that you can do to begin understanding the value of wealth.

 

When you do this exercise you:

- Improve your business relationships

- You feel more satisfied with the money you receive.

- You attract more wealth.

- You intantly become a more savvy spender.

 

Part 1: Every time you receive money from a client, partner, as a gift or even change for a purchase. Consider the time, attention, talents and relationships that are represented. “Thank you for this gift”

Part 2: Every time you spend, give, move or invest money consider your time, attention, talents and relationships that are represented by that money and say this mantra “Thank you for this gift”

If you would like more support finding fulfillment in your finances, check out this free video training series “Wealth and Freedom

 

 

2 comments

The subway wishing well series:

This is an article I wrote during one of the most difficult times of my life. I have been sharing recently about my growth and changes, in relationship to wealth. These articles were written when I was the poorest, in every way that I have been. They are equal parts escape and venting. I didn’t publish them in my coaching blog because I was ashamed of how cynical and unproductive they were. Now I know the story has a happy ending and I want you to know if you feel like cynical now there is hope. These were written in 2010.

There are so many ways to live.

As a child I lived on limitless land. Hopping fences and stealing horses, pretending I was exploring uncharted territories while avoiding being seen by the houses scattered through the Texas hill country. My room was a fairy tale. I lived with my feet trudging through the mud of the Gulf of Mexico and violently attacked by the west Texas cactus and bramble.

I have lived with friends in houses with potlucks and parties. I lived with other families learning how they love eachother and drive eachother nuts. I have been adopted into new families, collecting tribes and communities as I go.

I have lived alone in tiny apartments. I have lived alone in a beautiful house over looking the pacific ocean and waipio valley. I would dream every night of loved ones visiting me there and wake up to being alone again. I have lived out of my backpack sleeping in hammocks in Mexico, bungalows in Thailand, under tarps in Europe, in caves in Hawaii. I have lived out of my car.

Throughout high school I would leave for school Friday morning and not come home until Sunday night exhausted from playing, making love, and falling deeper in love with my friends. I have lived with lovers, in the ocean, in homes, with parents, on couches.

Now I live in an apartment on the south east corner of prospect park in Brooklyn. There are people living piled on top of me and piled under me. I hear the sounds of their children’s feet and their fights. I paint trees on the walls and plant things in soil in tiny cups hoping that they will grow in this hostile environment. This whole city feels like a slum, segregating the humans from the rest of the natural world isolating the damage to one pile of refuse. It seems like a good idea for the planet minimizing the damage but a really bad idea for the humans. I think there are better ways to live.

0 comments

I want to start off by saying, this was crushing. I cried, re-evaluated, shamed myself, blamed them, felt like a fraud, and went over everything I should have done and everything I would never do again.  I offer more in this program than any other. The participants get sessions with me whenever they want and they get trained by some of my teachers. I feel this incredible commitment to these people and I love them. It is also very intensive opportunity to uproot your demons and play the role of miracle worker in others lives. My initial reaction was ego hurt, “they don’t like me”. Then I understood… but I will come back to that.

There are lessons for me and lessons for you as well.

I know that many of you are embarking (or dreaming about embarking) on a new path. You are starting a business or changing careers or getting involved in something or just trying to live more consciounsously. If this had happened to me when I first started out I probably would have quit then and there. I and so many people would have missed out.

There are lessons for me and lessons for you as well.

1. You never know what you’re doing.

I mean this on multiple levels. Expertise means continuing to grow and evolve. There will never be a point where I hear a complaint from a client or my husband or a friend and say, “no, I know what I am talking about, you’re wrong”. Not even after 50 years and accolades and bestselling books.

And you don’t get to know the outcome of your actions. I send a heart felt email reaching out to my client offering help from what I guessed she was struggling with and she responded with don’t ever talk to me again. Does that mean I shouldn’t have sent the email? Of course not.

Don’t wait until you “KNOW” what you are doing. Just be capable of doing it well and with love.

2. Being well informed, being honest, being humble and always coming from Love, is the antidote.

While you may never know what you are doing it is your responsibility to always be striving for mastery. This is not just for everyone else involved it is for your own fulfillment. Your integrity does not hinge upon you forcing specific outcomes, but by bringing forth your absolute best and offering it as a loving gift.

Humility is not lowering yourself but having a vulnerable heart that will listen to the impact of you your actions. This is how our intuition evolves, we feel and we gather information and we feel more. When we do this with mindfulness i.e. from a spiritual center we fine tune our intuition.

3. People will make up shit in their head

1 month into working with one of my clients she was crying, saying I was an angel and an answer to her prayers. The next month she said I was a fraud and the other participants were drinking my cool aide. I am not either of those things.

The biggest mistake that I know I made in this program is giving people too much time alone to dig in their stuff. When we are left alone in our heads without a solid spiritual ground to stand on our stories get out of control.

It is important to see this in others so that we don’t take it personally. As soon as we take it personally we are no longer coming from love but protecting ourselves.

It is also important to see this in ourselves when we feel at our most upset it is almost always because of a story we have made up in our heads about what happened.

Want to know more about that? Click here:

4. Don’t sulk

I would really like to sulk. I would really, really like to bury my head in shame for a couple of months but I have 75,000 people on my email list who are expecting me to respond to their questions and post blogs. I have 10 other clients to take care of, I’m developing a new program, not to mention twin boys and a garden.

When something goes wrong, someone talks smack, or lets you down, or drops out of your program, it may pull focus for a few minutes, it may feel like the main event of your life but let’s get real. You and I are so incredibly blessed.

5. Take responsibility for everything.

Now this is not the same as taking blame for everything. Taking responsibility is looking at yourself as a creative force in your life. This is empowering rather than shaming. It sets you up to look at any circumstance as an opportunity to grow and treat everyone else with compassion.

In my situation, I could act like a victim and say that some people just have too many issues and they broke their commitment to the group and to me. I could say it was all of their fault.

I could also feel ashamed of myself and think that I shouldn’t be doing what I am doing. I failed and its no wonder they hate me so much.

Neither of these is accurate or helpful. Instead, I know that I attracted these clients, I can see where I could have done more in the interview process. I can see that accepting these clients meant that I would need to give them special attention, which I did not give. I can also see that I need to be clearer about the intensity of the program and the level of commitment necessary.

Want to read more about taking responsibility for everything? Click here

To be honest I am still dealing with this. I have never experienced anything like it, my clients love me and even when they don’t they stay with it long enough to get the value and part with gratitude and respect. So I will do what I do when I am dealing with things. I will meditate, spend time outside, practice EFT, talk to my mentor, pray, brainstorm and move with evermore love, intentionality and integrity.

Love

 

1 comment

new

Its 2 and I am just sitting down to work. Quality time with my kids 6-8:45, Yoga 9-10, weekly date with best friend 10:30-1, zoned out in front of my computer 1-2. Damn. 

I want to do what I FEEL like doing in any given moment. I am healthy in mind/body/spirit and I trust that what I feel like doing is the right thing to do. I also trust that when I feel like doing it, it will be done the right way.

Then there is commitment, what I said I would do, what needs to get done. There are the things that I don’t feel like doing that further what I REALLY feel like doing.

This isn’t just an issue with myself but also in my relationship with the Universe. I’d like to follow ease and calling and go with the flow. I also don’t want to give in just because there is an obstacle.

How can I get shit done and be in the natural flow of it? Most might say to just suck it up and push through the deep need to take a nap instead of write the blog or keep my meeting even when my computer crashes and their is terrible traffic and its a gorgeous day outside.

I am developing a different strategy. 

I am noticing that these things aren’t random. My mood isn’t random and the Universe throwing a hickup in my day isn’t random. There is a divine design and going with the flow doesn’t mean being blindly blown about.

Here is my guide to flow, integrity and just doing what you want:

1. Get to know your energy flow. How do you feel when you wake up, after a meal, on a rainy day. When do you have the best of yourself to offer and what do you want to give that to? When are you just going to be low energy? Can you allow for a rest?

I am my best about half an hour after I wake up. That is the time that I give to my kids. I have pretty much nothing in the mid afternoon. That is when I go sit in the woods.

2. Get to know what affects your energy. How do your different activities interact with each other?

I get another 2 hours of quality work time after I do yoga. After a big meal if I sit at the computer I will lose 2 hours without looking up. A great business meeting gets me all energized, I can’t write but I am great for exercise or playing with kids or doing house stuff.

3. Create a morning and bedtime routine. The morning and evening are both time when you get to set the tone for the rest of your life. If you can enforce some hardline non-negotiables then, whatever comes in between, you will feel centered.

This is what really gets me. When I do it I have incredible days, when I don’t I have days like today.

4. Check the weather. Seriously, this is a big deal. This is a very simple practical thing and it is a big indicator of what your energy is going to be geared for. Rainy days are great for internal work, and intimate gatherings, not so much for running errands or company picnics.

5. Ask for the easy way. When other people are involved, work together to create ease around any plan or goal. Don’t just think of when you can do it, think of when it will be easy to do it. Don’t just think of the location that works, think of the location that you will want to be at.

6. Balance over time. If you try and keep work, spiritual life, family life, social life in balance all the time, you will fail and you will end up sacrificing things you shouldn’t sacrifice. Instead, cultivate a balance over time. If you have to dive into a work project for a few weeks and you don’t see your friends or family just make sure you plan some extra social time at the end of it.

 

I would love to hear your tricks for working with the Universe to only do what you want. Leave a comment below.

0 comments

Most of us, at some point in our childhood, shut down. Either because we were taught by painful experiences or by the presence of the shut down grown ups around us.

In some sense, it’s like we left our bodies and our minds to run on autopilot or to run the same way the people around us were running.

 

Coming back to your mind and body can be painful at first. Its like exercising for the first time in a long time. You might be stiff and easily injured. If you come back to your mind, you might find that the thoughts are harsh and ugly. You might find that your emotions are painful and fearful.

 

If, however, you are willing to be with that initial discomfort you get an incredible reward. Suddenly, you have a whole body and a whole mind to use and live inside of. You have an infinitely miraculous resource that is yours to create with.

 

This is also true in our connection to other people and even to our planet. When we learned to shut down, we didn’t just close ourselves of to our mind and body. We closed off to everything.

 

This shutting down makes us feel like we are isolated. It makes us feel as though our lives are meaningless. It makes us feel exhausted and lost.

 

Coming back to earth and its people at first can feel like an insurmountable challenge. Attempting to develop real relationships may feel incredibly complicated and a bit like a minefield. Not to mention facing the larger social structures of poverty, class, race, culture and all of the injustices. Our relationship to the planet often fills us with guilt and confusion. We don’t know how to face what we have done to this beautiful gift or how to do better.

 

If, however, you are willing to be with that initial discomfort you get another incredible reward. Suddenly, you have a whole planet and a world full of people to live and work with. You have an infinitely miraculous resource that is yours to serve.

Your body and mind and planet and people are your birthright. They are yours to create with and to serve. I want you to start living with that truth!

 

April 4th – 6th I am holding a workshop in Austin TX that will change your life. You can register and get all the details below.

 

http://www.lillianevemoore.com/landing/the-reconnection-workshop/

0 comments

I have travelled a good bit, mostly alone, nationally and internationally. People have said that I am brave and they have assumed that I travel like that because I am so trusting and open hearted. Its not actually true.

I have always valued trust and valued an open heart but I wasn’t trusting or openhearted. I had an idea in my head of how I would behave if I was healed and aligned. I was hungry to feel connected to life. I tried to fake it. I lived by my values instead of how I actually felt.

I actually felt terrified.

In some ways this worked. That exterior shell of openhearted trusting gained some strength but when Michael (my lover and dear friend of 6 years) died, that shattered. I was left back where I started with all my childhood traumas and panic. I couldn’t fake it anymore.

Traveling was terrifying and connecting. It triggered me and it made me feel alive. I stopped traveling for 4 years. Instead of throwing myself into the lions den to practice peace. I started practicing feeling alive at home. I practiced honoring my boundaries and building myself up from the inside out. I practice connecting first to God, then to my body, then my family and our little plot, my local community, my online community.

This time the trust is real my heart is open.

I drove from Austin to Real de Catorce to Sayulita, Mexico (22 hours of driving) and I felt great. I felt peaceful and sensitive and in Love. I felt radiant from my core all the way out. I felt the mountains and the desert and the people and language touch me to the core. I felt fed and grateful.

Its a delight to acknowledge my own growth. It is even more of a delight to share with you that its possible to not be afraid of life. Its possible to feel safe anywhere in the world, if you feel safe in your own skin. Then when you have that real connection to life, you feel your calling. You feel what is next for you.

Have boundaries, allow yourself to heal, reconnecting to the world around you, be of service. Reconnectionheader

The most incredible thing about all of this, is that when I came home, my house was clean, my fridge was full and my kids were happy. In the past, when I traveled, I left a wake of chaos. It was a wild adventure but it wasn’t practical or responsible.

I know that many of you already feel a calling. You feel pulled to do something great for the world but you don’t think you can. Its easy to feel like you can either do the big open hearted thing or you can take care of your responsibilities. In actuality when you are living in the glorious flow of the Universe, feeding one part of yourself naturally feeds all parts of yourself. Taking care of your responsibility gives you stability and pursuing your altruistic ambitions gives you inspiration.

All of it together gives your life purpose.

Man alive! It just occurred to me how focused on career we get when we think of purpose. In actuality when we start to be aligned we stop having to compartmentalize our life. I hear it from people doing healing work all the time that they do great work in their sessions but their lives are a mess. I just don’t think its possible.

The way you do one thing is the way you do it all. When you tap into that connection with life you feel called to be yourself all the time, not just at work or just with your family. You feel called to be yourself and give yourself with every breath, whether you are in Mexico or in a cubicle or changing diapers.

Anyways… I went to Mexico and it was great. I hope you join my mastermind so your life can be this sweet.

Check it out here: http://www.lillianevemoore.com/landing/2603/

0 comments
Desire is natural. Its Divine. It is the source of our rebirthing expanding universe. Fulfillment of those desires is also natural and divine and inevitable.

Manifesting and the Ego

In the world of your ego you are separate and on your own. You need things to survive that you have to find some way to get. The way that most of us have come to understand manifestation fits perfectly inside of this vision. You need something that you land, you work to manifest it.
We have it that manifesting means doing the exact same thing we are always doing just better and more of it in our heads. If we do it right, hard enough for long enough the end goal that we made up will be attained and then we will be happy and independent.
This is not the limitless creative power that is our birthright. Its just our ego jerking off on the notion of being a lonely little ruler of the universe pooling things in and out of existence.

man·i·fest1

verb
 1. display or show (a quality or feeling) by one’s acts or appearance; demonstrate.
Really, our power is the same as our creators power and that is to expand the expression of love in limitless ways. In the practice of presencing ourselves to our true nature of love, love expands us and as we expand the beautiful dances of creation, which is all of love moves in explore the new territory.
To exercise this power we have to know the power and to know the power we have to surrender to the awesome power of that which we are connected to. We are infinitely powerful only as a part of something that is infinitely powerful. We have to be tuned in to the other humans, to the planet, to the spirit of life. If we are shut off from that connection then we are shut off from ourselves.

Bargaining with Life

 

Even when we intend to be mindful of our connection, it often happens too late. We have a thought, a want, a story and then once we are already totally identifying with that thought we try to check in spiritually and get a yes or a no. I have found over and over again that I don’t get a response or I can’t interpret it. Tonight in meditation I hear the response to every time I have ever asked that kind of a question and the answer is “whatever, you are missing the point”.
Rather than sending this list of demands, out to the universe, and fearfully asking if its okay to ask, if its the right desire. We can receive what is already ours. The heart of what we want is expansion and union.  We want more and we want peace. To feel expansion we feel into our surroundings and fall in love with every leaf, and cry and creature then in stillness we feel our oneness with that and find union.
Then from that space you will naturally be turned towards service. When you feel the bliss of that connection you naturally want to serve. As a cell in the body of the Universe, when you begin to serve your divine function, you reengage with your world and are provided for. The things and stuff come to you by your actions and your actions come from an innate pull to play your part in the divine dance.
If you play the manifestation game of thinking good thoughts to get the good thing, you are bargaining with a Universe that has already offered you everything.

 

Reconnectionheader

 

0 comments

Eating is emotional. This idea that emotional eating is wrong, is bogus. We are wired to receive emotional pleasure from food starting with breast feeding. It is the most basic way that we connect to the planet, people, and divine and provides, yummy endorphins!

Me and Food

There were times in my early childhood when I was hungry. I remember my sister and I experimenting in the yard with eating clovers and grasses, (many of which actually are edible). I wasn’t starving or malnourished but I was neglected. So I have dealt with some food issues. I used to get anxious when I was anywhere without food. If there was food being offered I almost always took it and sharing food off my plate is not my favorite.

I feel most loved when someone makes sure I am well fed.

I didn’t typically overeat and I love moving my body so it never really affected my health. These issues resolved (and continue to resolve) as I healed the deeper more foundational issues, of neglect.

What’s with all the food issues?

Not everyone with food issues experienced neglect or food shortages but everyone is hungry. We are all hungry for the feeling of connection that food supplies. Every bit of nourishment that we ever receive comes from our connection to others. You could also say it comes from our oneness, the whole of the universe and God being within us.

Funny thing though, we often use our food and the endorphins supplied, to suppress that desire for connection rather than feel connected. The same is true for sex.

We want connection. We want it more than anything because its ours already. We are connected and feeling disconnected feels terrible and unhealthy.

But feeling our interconnections is work. If our food is going to connect us, we have to be mindful of all the pieces. Who and what was involved in our food. Where did it come from and what damage was done along the path. We are so afraid of facing this that we would rather live in the suffering of a separation delusion and drug up on empty calories to kill the pain. Then feel shame, loneliness and do it again.

And we would rather fuck in a romance of codependency than feel the sacredness of giving and receiving the nourishment of pleasure with another human. Because to feel that sacredness you also must be willing to be with the totality of who they are and who you are.

Being connected is messy business, unpredictable and at times painful but its the truth of who are, so you may as well deal with it.

Happy Thanksgiving, and please consider eating a turkey that wasn’t tortured. You and the turkey are about to be one. 

0 comments